dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
