I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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