Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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