Dignity is for republicans.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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