call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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