So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
