My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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