He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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