I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
