she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
