He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
