And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
