Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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