she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
