you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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