im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
