I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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