How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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