why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
