I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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