You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
