You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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