this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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