what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
