Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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