Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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