I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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