I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
