Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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