What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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