"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
