You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
