Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
