I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
