Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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