Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
