Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
