i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
