So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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