i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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