i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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