I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
