capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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