After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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