I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
