OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She tied me up with her honor cords...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
