I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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