Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
