Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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