toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sarcasm needs its own font
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
