Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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