I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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