She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
