Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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