I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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