All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
