i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
