I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
