I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
