I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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