I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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