Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
