Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
