Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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