fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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