Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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